September 1st, 2011
Kick The Football Chuck is a labor of love, but ultimately fear, dedicated to Charles Schulz. Fear, because I have been threatened by the Ghost of Schultz to complete it or face “The Howling Madness”, which is threatened on me every time I ignore the specter and consider seeing a psychoanalyst instead.
If you are aware, or personally know someone who is aware of a reputable exorcist or low rate psychologist, please comment below.
September 9th, 2011
It is only when I am alone that the ghost of Charles Schulz howls his undead demands at me. They are usually of an impossible nature, something he refuses to acknowledge, and generally involve the death of an Editor whom I have no access to. This comic is the only one that I am physically able to do for him. It is my ultimate hope that he will “pass on” when this monstrosity is finished. Nothing else seems to console this Sonoma citizen—the bastard.
September 16th, 2011
Despite the fact that he has been dead for some years now, Schulz and I are kindred spirits, and by that I mean he is a spirit and I hate him. We have nothing in common, he was a part of the “Great Society” and I think fire bombing society is great. The only time he stops yelling is when I draw this. This terrible monstrosity.
September 23rd, 2011
“You really should be more grateful,” is all he says to me after weeks of losing sleep and mental torment. Every time I drop my pen the ghost of Schulz starts rattling chains. He wants these strips made and any time not spent doing them is an insult to him. “You could have been haunted by Robert Crumb.” I don’t care that R. Crumb is still alive, I suspect that Schulz is right.
September 30th, 2011
It is a temporary solution, and I know it. But it is a solution. The bashful ghost of Schulz has no rational way of dealing with my stark naked body. I am naked most of the time now. He leaves the room every time I remove my kilt, so I figure I can do without.
October 7th, 2011
“THE HOWLING MADNESS!” Schulz’s specter screams, his voice like broken china. “BRING IT OLD MAN! I ‘AIN’T AFRAID OF NO GHOST!” is all I can retort. The “Ghostbusters” theme by Ray Parker Jr. is blaring in the background as I clutch a broken bottle of “Wild Turkey” desperately. This is moments after I have demanded rent from him.
October 14th, 2011
In an ill attempt at bonding with the Ghost of Schulz I had brought up the only thing we have in common; making comics. Before Schulz died he had made over 17,000 strips, they are soulful, honest, and timeless. He took a look at Mr. Square, specifically an entire strip dedicated to him being set on fire. After a long pause, his lips parted as if to say something, he let this futility pass. Suddenly: “THE HOWLING MADNESS!”
October 21st, 2011
Schulz’s specter vanishes and all is quiet. As if on cue, however, there is the sound of scratching. The halls of my bunker echo with the noise of claws on steel, distant at first, but growing louder, nearer. I am holding my prized “beat stick”, it stands in my hands without confidence. It is used to being held in anger, but this is new. It’s being held in fear. “The Howling Madness”, it must be what’s out there. Above the screeching of claws I can hear muttering, the voice is familiar. Is… Is that Richard Nixon?
November 10th, 2011
Two weeks have passed. I have evaded “The Howling Madness” so far, but how much longer? Small piles of cocaine and Viagra are the only traces I can find of it, the occasional terrible screech of Nixon’s paranoid ramblings echo distantly. I have made Schulz an “apology card”. I know the glitter on it is superficial, but I want him to know I mean it
November 28th, 2011
The “Howling Madness” is an overgrown wolverine. Stop. Send help immediately. Stop.
December 3rd, 2011
Schulz’s ghost is the same heartwarming sap as his living counterpart. Except his heart is black as coal, is visible, and is wrapped in ghostly chains. So, he’s not so much heartwarming as his heart is bleeding with hellfire. Ghosts are funny like that, I guess. Upon seeing my “apology card”, Schulz called off the “Howling Madness”. Things are back to normal, if being haunted by a cartoonist is normal, I guess. I dunno.
December 5th, 2011
It’s embarrassing really, that’s all. After all of this torment it had FINALLY occurred to me that, as an ordained minister, I can perform exorcisms. This whole ordeal was a non-issue. Huh.
THE PUNCHLINE
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