Existential Terror and Breakfast: Perceptions Part 1

Epiphanies taste better with toast.

Malcolm will dial the suicide hotline in 55 days.

The sharply dressed man beside the boy was making him nervous. The boy had taken the city bus countless of times, he was no stranger to the body language of weirdos, and right now, the man beside him was broadcasting a very weird body language. For whatever reason, the boy observed, social contracts were broken all of the time at the bus stop. What permission did the weird see in the bus stop that they could break social norms and ignore all social cues? The boy felt an unopened granola bar that his mother had given him for breakfast inside of his pocket and played with it nervously. He was about to open it and eat the pressed dry meal but when he had eyed the sharply dressed man next to him, he decided to hold off on it. The man beside him was staring directly at him now. God dammit, the boy thought, here we goContinue reading →

New Fan Art!

Before I share today’s featured fan art pieces, I feel like I have to do a disclaimer: vandalizing public or personal property is a crime and is not something you should ever do. With that said, here is two photos of exactly that and they will be forever immortalized and cherished on this website:

Found at a “watering hole”.
Found on a wall. Not pictured: Roger Waters.

These were found by a man named Rocky, and though I am not saying that I love him more than you for these pictures, I AM saying that he is trying harder and that I know his name and not yours.

Existential Terror and Breakfast: 11

Epiphanies taste better with toast.


The prospect that Malcolm was going mad was one that he now had to give some urgent attention to. When his existential panic attacks were merely affecting his mood or causing him to spill his coffee, they were benign inconveniences. He had first waved these attacks off as being normal side-effects of stress, the past couple of weeks, however, they had caused him to miss not one, but two whole opportunities for a job. These panic attacks had now just directly affected his livelihood. He needed someone to talk to about it. He needed to know if other people experienced the occasional existential terror like he had, he needed to know that he was not alone in this. If he was…Continue reading →

Existential Terror and Breakfast: 10

Epiphanies taste better with toast.

Malcolm Steadman will dial the suicide hotline in 62 days.

Malcolm Steadman was ignoring the aggressively symbolic nature of the plain bagel he had just bought as a mirror to his personality with an abrasive sort of misanthropy that he and only the British had perfected. As he had no hands free, Malcolm desperately tried to ignore the default ringtone on his phone and how that reflected on his lack of creativity as he trekked home. He started to whistle now in a fatal attempt to both drown the electronic buzzing out and to counter the rising self loathing that was feeding off of his inadequacies. Mr. Steadman did not get the job he had interviewed for. This blow to his self-esteem was entirely his own fault. He was unprepared to deal with the fact that the constant existential terror that he felt might suggest that he was going mad. Now unemployed, Malcolm carried a plain bagel with cream cheese and a black coffee home to keep some semblance of routine now that his main responsibility was gone. That is when he saw it: sitting in a shop’s display was a plastic dinosaur that was brightly colored. It filled him with a powerful nostalgia for his childhood. He believed strongly that whimsy would brighten his day and bought the toy. He had not learned his lesson on his whimsical self prescriptions, apparently.Continue reading →

New Post Schedule + Depth and Taxa

Post Schedule Updates:

I am going to be moving the “Companion” to Existential Terror and Breakfast from Thursdays to Fridays as I have been very busy with both school and work. The posting schedule overall will now look like this:

Mondays– New Mr. Square comics Wednesdays– New entry to the Existential Terror and Breakfast serial Fridays– New companion pieces.

Depth and Taxa:

With that said, today’s Mr. Square comic is nautical themed in honor of my friend Patrick Hutchins and his blog “Depth and Taxa“. Patrick has been involved in marine life and its sciences in Washington for many years now. His blog, Depth and Taxa, is a culmination of his knowledge and talent concentrated into an entertaining form. If you were ever curious about the sea (and the horrific eldritch abominations that live there) his blog is a must read. In particular his articles “Ghost Face Killer (Whales)” and “I Love It When You Call me Big Papa” are both hilarious and incredibly informative. You would be doing a disservice to yourself if you did not take the time to read his content. I cannot recommend it more.

His blog and its contents are ever more urgent for you to read as the defunding and closure of the EPA (a distinctly Republican program created by Nixon) looms. Though this may be a smart move if we want to preemptively destroy the dark (and clearly evil) denizens of the sea before they start the inevitable “Drowning of All  Dry Mammals” campaign, it is also noticeably only a good idea if you are bat-shit-in the-latrine-insane. The education of our planet and the environments we have inherited is an important one. Patrick’s blog makes this endeavor both an entertaining and an easy one. Head over there as I promise it will be more fulfilling than whatever is happening on social media (unless of course you are sharing Depth and Taxa).